The Big Ideas of 2012

The American Dream

I have no deviant desires.
The American Dream
Brent Humphreys

Available in: English, Español, Français, Türkçe.

I am married and I live in the suburbs.

My street looks like every street you have seen in every commercial since 1957.Ever since I first came here, I couldn’t think of living anywhere else.

I have two children – both bright – a girl and a boy. I can’t wait to watch them grow up.

I love my car. My impeccable home. I love being fit, and I love a good day’s work. I love being straight and never confused about my sexual identity. I love my wife. I love being monogamous.

I love my neighbors who come out on Saturday mornings and cut their grass, and chitchat to me while we washdown our cars and driveways.

Every second Saturday, after the kids are safely off to bed, I take a Viagra. My wife and I will then finish watching our Saturday night crime drama, and then for the next 20 or so minutes I remind my wife of why she really married me in the first place. After which she usually takes a Sleep Eze-type product because she says she likes getting a good Saturday night sleep.

The kids are always up early on Sunday mornings, diligently doing their homework at the kitchen table, while Mom bakes cookies and makes bread in her new breadmaker. That’s when the kitchen really shines. We don’t go to church, except for the high holidays, but we still know we are blessed.

My wife booked us a trip to the Caribbean. She said we could get double airmiles if we put the entire trip on our VISA card.

When our neighbors ask how the trip was I tell them it was brilliant, just as theirs had been. It’s not a lie.

Sure, we all comb our hair the same way, and we are a little obsessed with dandelions and flossing our teeth. And so what if we all like to go to the same movies, watch the same TV, and eat the same popcorn. It’s a good life here.

Uncomplicated.

I’m not a complicated man.

I have no deviant desires.

—Sherwood Hinze

232 comments on the article “The American Dream”

Displaying 81 - 90 of 232

Page 9 of 24

Anonymous

"The panel heard evidence that Hinze... had sex with her." If she was under the age of consent, that would be molestation.

Anonymous

"The panel heard evidence that Hinze... had sex with her." If she was under the age of consent, that would be molestation.

Anonymous

The same report posted above, and linked to, stating that the Discipline Committee panel at the Teachers College of Ontario voted to "revoke his Certificates of Qualification and Registration" after they "heard evidence that Hinze... had sex with" an underage student.

Anonymous

The same report posted above, and linked to, stating that the Discipline Committee panel at the Teachers College of Ontario voted to "revoke his Certificates of Qualification and Registration" after they "heard evidence that Hinze... had sex with" an underage student.

Anonymous

Funny how nobody has mentioned that this could be a different person altogether and its entirely possible that the original poster of this speculation has slandered someone else entirely. If its even 1% possible you're dealing with two people with the same name, this type of idle and useless speculation probably isn't needed. Forget for a moment the specious reasoning about the value of the work vs the past actions (supposed) of the writer, how about imagining for a moment that this might be a different Sherwood Hinze who's life could be seriously impacted by unfounded rumour of this kind.

Finally, without any substantial details this attack upon the author is totally without merit and hardly qualifies as 'molestation'. Ah well, trolls will be trolls.

Anonymous

Funny how nobody has mentioned that this could be a different person altogether and its entirely possible that the original poster of this speculation has slandered someone else entirely. If its even 1% possible you're dealing with two people with the same name, this type of idle and useless speculation probably isn't needed. Forget for a moment the specious reasoning about the value of the work vs the past actions (supposed) of the writer, how about imagining for a moment that this might be a different Sherwood Hinze who's life could be seriously impacted by unfounded rumour of this kind.

Finally, without any substantial details this attack upon the author is totally without merit and hardly qualifies as 'molestation'. Ah well, trolls will be trolls.

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