The Big Ideas of 2012

The American Dream

I have no deviant desires.
The American Dream
Brent Humphreys

Available in: English, Español, Français, Türkçe.

I am married and I live in the suburbs.

My street looks like every street you have seen in every commercial since 1957.Ever since I first came here, I couldn’t think of living anywhere else.

I have two children – both bright – a girl and a boy. I can’t wait to watch them grow up.

I love my car. My impeccable home. I love being fit, and I love a good day’s work. I love being straight and never confused about my sexual identity. I love my wife. I love being monogamous.

I love my neighbors who come out on Saturday mornings and cut their grass, and chitchat to me while we washdown our cars and driveways.

Every second Saturday, after the kids are safely off to bed, I take a Viagra. My wife and I will then finish watching our Saturday night crime drama, and then for the next 20 or so minutes I remind my wife of why she really married me in the first place. After which she usually takes a Sleep Eze-type product because she says she likes getting a good Saturday night sleep.

The kids are always up early on Sunday mornings, diligently doing their homework at the kitchen table, while Mom bakes cookies and makes bread in her new breadmaker. That’s when the kitchen really shines. We don’t go to church, except for the high holidays, but we still know we are blessed.

My wife booked us a trip to the Caribbean. She said we could get double airmiles if we put the entire trip on our VISA card.

When our neighbors ask how the trip was I tell them it was brilliant, just as theirs had been. It’s not a lie.

Sure, we all comb our hair the same way, and we are a little obsessed with dandelions and flossing our teeth. And so what if we all like to go to the same movies, watch the same TV, and eat the same popcorn. It’s a good life here.

Uncomplicated.

I’m not a complicated man.

I have no deviant desires.

—Sherwood Hinze

232 comments on the article “The American Dream”

Displaying 51 - 60 of 232

Page 6 of 24

Anonymous

I love the place I live, my family, our 10 year old cars. Hey, it is Florida, it is fun to wash the cars in the sunshine, just enjoy life as it is.
I love wearing old and worn clothes, which I do not worry about, it they get dirty or thorn. It's too funny, I hardly use the newer pieces.
My TV screen is just big enough for me, as it was 10 years ago, and have no desire to upsize.
As a consumer, I am horrible, I could buy, and I do not.. I could get 0% credit, and I decline it. Anything I get is basic needs though very good quality, I get it for long term, and pay cash immediately.

Anonymous

I love the place I live, my family, our 10 year old cars. Hey, it is Florida, it is fun to wash the cars in the sunshine, just enjoy life as it is.
I love wearing old and worn clothes, which I do not worry about, it they get dirty or thorn. It's too funny, I hardly use the newer pieces.
My TV screen is just big enough for me, as it was 10 years ago, and have no desire to upsize.
As a consumer, I am horrible, I could buy, and I do not.. I could get 0% credit, and I decline it. Anything I get is basic needs though very good quality, I get it for long term, and pay cash immediately.

Chris Honeycutt

Neat poem. Makes me ask, is it the dream of the protagonist that this is "enough"?

There's a book by Seligman called "Learned Helplessness: On Depression, Development and Death" which goes into the idea of autonomy.

It's his thesis that when we can't impact our environment, or change the attitudes, beliefs or behaviors of those around us, we'll begin to feel helpless, an early stage of depression. One of the most cited psychological texts of all time - almost 7,000 times in the literature - and one of the few that seeks a behavoralist, not physiological, cause of depression.

I like the poem. I like it, because part of me dreams of a life like that, but part of me recognizes that I would be silently miserable.

Chris Honeycutt

Neat poem. Makes me ask, is it the dream of the protagonist that this is "enough"?

There's a book by Seligman called "Learned Helplessness: On Depression, Development and Death" which goes into the idea of autonomy.

It's his thesis that when we can't impact our environment, or change the attitudes, beliefs or behaviors of those around us, we'll begin to feel helpless, an early stage of depression. One of the most cited psychological texts of all time - almost 7,000 times in the literature - and one of the few that seeks a behavoralist, not physiological, cause of depression.

I like the poem. I like it, because part of me dreams of a life like that, but part of me recognizes that I would be silently miserable.

Anonymous

Hey guys,

The numbers are in. It was a record Black Friday. You actually had less than zero impact. As culture jammers, you have somehow managed to "jam" culture in the opposite direction you wanted to.

The vast majority probably don't know you exist (I envy them). Those who do, chose to ignore you. Good move. Best not to even think about the grubby little souls of a band of spoiled rich would-be genocidaires seething with hatred for baby mamas who (shudder) brave the throngs to find a bargain on a onesy.

Your moment has come and gone. The rich gave you the best chance you'll ever have and you've blown it. You have about the level of influence as Jerry Sandusky. Your last encampments have already been marked for removal by the mayors of solidly progressive towns. Go back into your mother's basements for another ten years of flogging your tortured little genitals to snuff porn and pecking out anti-semitic screeds on comment boards. The greedheads will give you another chance eventually, another chance to kick your pathetic shitcan of Holocaust fantasies down the road once again just by showing how ugly you are.

Anonymous

Hey guys,

The numbers are in. It was a record Black Friday. You actually had less than zero impact. As culture jammers, you have somehow managed to "jam" culture in the opposite direction you wanted to.

The vast majority probably don't know you exist (I envy them). Those who do, chose to ignore you. Good move. Best not to even think about the grubby little souls of a band of spoiled rich would-be genocidaires seething with hatred for baby mamas who (shudder) brave the throngs to find a bargain on a onesy.

Your moment has come and gone. The rich gave you the best chance you'll ever have and you've blown it. You have about the level of influence as Jerry Sandusky. Your last encampments have already been marked for removal by the mayors of solidly progressive towns. Go back into your mother's basements for another ten years of flogging your tortured little genitals to snuff porn and pecking out anti-semitic screeds on comment boards. The greedheads will give you another chance eventually, another chance to kick your pathetic shitcan of Holocaust fantasies down the road once again just by showing how ugly you are.

Chris Honeycutt

Meh. I didn't do it, but I thought the critique above was pretty spot on.

Have been thinking "Good job, Chuckie Manson. You managed to get a bunch of alienated, searching for anything loners out of their basement using an internet meme.

"But what do you propose to DO with them now that you have them? For one thing, the mechanism by which you got them motivated (meme) isn't exactly going to call out the go-get-'em, think-for-yourself crowd.

"You're only going to keep them busy for so long. Without any kind of bonding or reinforcement, they're just going to keep milling pointlessly."

I am fairly impressed that you guys still have tinfoil hats and alien abductees wandering about following vauge Rorschach orders.

But what do you propose to do with them? These are not the "think for yourself" types, by definition.

Chris Honeycutt

Meh. I didn't do it, but I thought the critique above was pretty spot on.

Have been thinking "Good job, Chuckie Manson. You managed to get a bunch of alienated, searching for anything loners out of their basement using an internet meme.

"But what do you propose to DO with them now that you have them? For one thing, the mechanism by which you got them motivated (meme) isn't exactly going to call out the go-get-'em, think-for-yourself crowd.

"You're only going to keep them busy for so long. Without any kind of bonding or reinforcement, they're just going to keep milling pointlessly."

I am fairly impressed that you guys still have tinfoil hats and alien abductees wandering about following vauge Rorschach orders.

But what do you propose to do with them? These are not the "think for yourself" types, by definition.

Pages

Add a new comment

Comments are closed.