The Big Ideas of 2012

The American Dream

I have no deviant desires.
The American Dream
Brent Humphreys

Available in: English, Español, Français, Türkçe.

I am married and I live in the suburbs.

My street looks like every street you have seen in every commercial since 1957.Ever since I first came here, I couldn’t think of living anywhere else.

I have two children – both bright – a girl and a boy. I can’t wait to watch them grow up.

I love my car. My impeccable home. I love being fit, and I love a good day’s work. I love being straight and never confused about my sexual identity. I love my wife. I love being monogamous.

I love my neighbors who come out on Saturday mornings and cut their grass, and chitchat to me while we washdown our cars and driveways.

Every second Saturday, after the kids are safely off to bed, I take a Viagra. My wife and I will then finish watching our Saturday night crime drama, and then for the next 20 or so minutes I remind my wife of why she really married me in the first place. After which she usually takes a Sleep Eze-type product because she says she likes getting a good Saturday night sleep.

The kids are always up early on Sunday mornings, diligently doing their homework at the kitchen table, while Mom bakes cookies and makes bread in her new breadmaker. That’s when the kitchen really shines. We don’t go to church, except for the high holidays, but we still know we are blessed.

My wife booked us a trip to the Caribbean. She said we could get double airmiles if we put the entire trip on our VISA card.

When our neighbors ask how the trip was I tell them it was brilliant, just as theirs had been. It’s not a lie.

Sure, we all comb our hair the same way, and we are a little obsessed with dandelions and flossing our teeth. And so what if we all like to go to the same movies, watch the same TV, and eat the same popcorn. It’s a good life here.

Uncomplicated.

I’m not a complicated man.

I have no deviant desires.

—Sherwood Hinze

232 comments on the article “The American Dream”

Displaying 181 - 190 of 232

Page 19 of 24

Anonymous

Sorry I cannot be as cynical as the author. This article makes fun of my parents. They weren't perfect, but they were good people and I loved them. They did the best they could.

Anonymous

Sorry I cannot be as cynical as the author. This article makes fun of my parents. They weren't perfect, but they were good people and I loved them. They did the best they could.

Anonymous

I've always been a fan of adbusters and generally agree with you, but the "sheeple" meme is tired and really just seems to serve the grasping at individuality of few hip readers. If you look below the surface stereotype of most suburban families I think you'll find that they aren't all just heteronormative and predictable. Alienating and boxing in millions of people seems counterproductive to me; as if individuality is something determined solely by your consumption habits, which of course is exactly what the ad firm would have us believe.

Anonymous

I've always been a fan of adbusters and generally agree with you, but the "sheeple" meme is tired and really just seems to serve the grasping at individuality of few hip readers. If you look below the surface stereotype of most suburban families I think you'll find that they aren't all just heteronormative and predictable. Alienating and boxing in millions of people seems counterproductive to me; as if individuality is something determined solely by your consumption habits, which of course is exactly what the ad firm would have us believe.

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