The Ballerina and the Bull

Dear Mr. Unabomber

It's been over ten years since you've touched a bomb. I plan on contacting your warden. I'd like to get you a weekend furlough. My mom wants to trim your beard. I need help with my math homework. There's an extra mattress in the basement. Just two house rules: 1) You can't go anywhere near the mailbox; 2) You have to wear a straitjacket.