Is Polyamory Revolutionary?
The revolutionary breeze that ushered in the 60s carried with it a desire for sexual liberation and emancipation from the bourgeois, patriarchal norm. By calling into question the fundamental unit of society, the nuclear family, rebellious youth hoped to shake the foundations of staid consumerism.
The Sexual Freedom League, a student group at the University of California – Berkeley, organized nude parties and orgies. The Weather Underground tried to "smash monogamy" with bisexuality and rotating sexual partners. And in 1971 Andreas Baader, founder of the Red Army Faction, captured the sentiment of his generation, exclaiming: "The anti-imperialist struggle and sexual emancipation go hand-in-hand, fucking and shooting are the same thing!"
Now, four decades later, we can discern the faint stirrings of a return to the project of sexual liberation. This time, however, it is not under the flag of "free love" but of "polyamory" that the struggle will be waged.
Experiments in free love were not always a success and in retrospect some former participants now admit there was another form of coercion at work. Free love ceased being free and revolutionary the moment it became obligatory. In his 1971 dystopian sci-fi novel, The World Inside, Robert Silverberg conveys this point brilliantly.
Writing in the midst of the sexual revolution, Silverberg imagines a world where an exponentially growing human population lives in mile high sky scrapers. With limited space, their society adopts sexual norms that avoid tension: promiscuity is encouraged, and it is considered anti-social to turn down a sexual advance. Every night, men sleep with their neighbors wives and wives freely switch partners as well. The result is a world of greater apparent freedom – drugs are also legal – sustained by a severe form of social control: those who resist the free love culture disappear.
Sexual liberation as imagined in the 60s was heavily biased towards a vision where sexual energy was freely flowing, all partners essentially equal, and sex something that ought to be shared without restriction. Against this borderless, formless vision of sex another perspective is gaining traction: the "polyamorous" position that maintains it is the tight bounding of a group, whether it be three or four or more, that is revolutionary.
Polyamory is an outgrowth of the free love movement but instead of looking to the orgy as the model for rebellion it is the notion of a tribe that excites their imagination. There are many visions of polyamory, but the one that many find intriguing is a world where partners are not exchangeable, relationships are stable and promiscuity is often frowned on. Whether polyamory means two women and a man, two men and a woman or two couples who share the same bed, the nuclear, patriarchal family is no where to be found.
Can capitalism exist without its foundation of heterosexual monogamy? Is polyamory inherently revolutionary? To all these questions we must answer: capitalism is a master of recuperation. What first shakes it, soon motivates it, later strengthens it. We will never know which tactics bring it down until we try.
To rupture the consumer myth will take more than protests in the streets and boycotts of consumer goods. It'll require a fundamental shift in the structure of society, a revocation of our libidinal investment. Whether that'll take the form of polyamory or simply neighbors getting to know each other remains to be seen.
Micah White is a Contributing Editor at Adbusters and an independent activist. He lives in Berkeley and is writing a book about the future of activism. www.micahmwhite.com or micah (at) adbusters.org
160 comments on the article “Is Polyamory Revolutionary?”
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Anonymous
I tried it for about six years. I know the good and bad. I've encountered more healthy relationships in monogamy than in Poly. Just my experiences, not saying I believe that's the truth. I'd love to see Poly become socially acceptable for those who need more variety, a certain kind of openness and acceptance, and a lot of love.
Anonymous
I tried it for about six years. I know the good and bad. I've encountered more healthy relationships in monogamy than in Poly. Just my experiences, not saying I believe that's the truth. I'd love to see Poly become socially acceptable for those who need more variety, a certain kind of openness and acceptance, and a lot of love.
Anonymous
I am, I suppose, polyamorous. Although I don't feel part of a movement, particularly. My marriage of 20+ years is all important and we are both entirely committed to it. The fact that I occasionally sleep with close friends doesn't matter to either of us.
I would not suggest this as a lifestyle for everyone, or even for most people. Most people, I have found, prefer monogamy (at least in principle, although the number of illicit affairs suggests that a lot have problems with it in practice). That's fine. My other partners are unattached- I wouldn't feel particularly comfortable navigating someone else's marriage- and I wouldn't sleep with anyone that my husband felt uncomfortable about; that issue has come up once or twice and that's fine.
It's not a great social breakthrough, or a challenge to capitalism. It's just something I like to do. People are different, relationships are different. Finding what suits your relationship is part of maturing into it.
Anonymous
I am, I suppose, polyamorous. Although I don't feel part of a movement, particularly. My marriage of 20+ years is all important and we are both entirely committed to it. The fact that I occasionally sleep with close friends doesn't matter to either of us.
I would not suggest this as a lifestyle for everyone, or even for most people. Most people, I have found, prefer monogamy (at least in principle, although the number of illicit affairs suggests that a lot have problems with it in practice). That's fine. My other partners are unattached- I wouldn't feel particularly comfortable navigating someone else's marriage- and I wouldn't sleep with anyone that my husband felt uncomfortable about; that issue has come up once or twice and that's fine.
It's not a great social breakthrough, or a challenge to capitalism. It's just something I like to do. People are different, relationships are different. Finding what suits your relationship is part of maturing into it.
Anomalautonomous
fuckin hilarious.... reading these comments.. everyone so serious about relationships, very indicative of youth.
If you live long enough you'll find out that both monogomy and single life gets old really fast. Everything gets old, even true love which is a commitment whether it be monogomous or polyamorous. The debate on which is better or more stable is useless. The real question that remains is are you going purposefully or mistakenly bring a kid into your futile existence and make him or her go through all this bullshit we call society.
Please believe me when i tell you this... Everything gets old, everything; having sex, making money, doing drugs, having a good job, having a loving partner, raising a kid, getting old, struggling to make ends meet, single life, being a pillar of your community, ect, ect, anything and everything.
Ask your parents or friends that are married or divorced if monogomy is all shits and giggles and never gets stale. Ask polyamorous singles if they are content and not if they are in true love. Better yet try it yourself, get married or go bang around town. What you might realize is that the majority of people in relationships try ever so hard to validate their meaningless, stale relationships because they are weak, codependent or scared to be autonomous in life.
The real trick in life is not losing your ability to love others even after falling in and out of love whether it be monogomous or polyamorous.
Anomalautonomous
fuckin hilarious.... reading these comments.. everyone so serious about relationships, very indicative of youth.
If you live long enough you'll find out that both monogomy and single life gets old really fast. Everything gets old, even true love which is a commitment whether it be monogomous or polyamorous. The debate on which is better or more stable is useless. The real question that remains is are you going purposefully or mistakenly bring a kid into your futile existence and make him or her go through all this bullshit we call society.
Please believe me when i tell you this... Everything gets old, everything; having sex, making money, doing drugs, having a good job, having a loving partner, raising a kid, getting old, struggling to make ends meet, single life, being a pillar of your community, ect, ect, anything and everything.
Ask your parents or friends that are married or divorced if monogomy is all shits and giggles and never gets stale. Ask polyamorous singles if they are content and not if they are in true love. Better yet try it yourself, get married or go bang around town. What you might realize is that the majority of people in relationships try ever so hard to validate their meaningless, stale relationships because they are weak, codependent or scared to be autonomous in life.
The real trick in life is not losing your ability to love others even after falling in and out of love whether it be monogomous or polyamorous.
un242
Thanks gramps.
Tho I agree the trick is to love regardless. Turns out the ol poems and songs are right.
Love, love, love...
Set your compass accordingly.
un242
Thanks gramps.
Tho I agree the trick is to love regardless. Turns out the ol poems and songs are right.
Love, love, love...
Set your compass accordingly.
rtb1961
Musuo culture http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo read and learn. Extended families they stay together for their lifetime, while allowing polyamorous single life for all family members outside of the family of course. Formation in a modern existing monogamy culture would require adoption to form the initial larger family units, mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters, nephews and nieces living together (fathers are external and only provide a desirable genetic variation on a theme). So full family support from birth to death with no external disruption to a cohesive unit, no paternity problems, no divorce, no custody issues and many adults working together to common family driven goals.
rtb1961
Musuo culture http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mosuo read and learn. Extended families they stay together for their lifetime, while allowing polyamorous single life for all family members outside of the family of course. Formation in a modern existing monogamy culture would require adoption to form the initial larger family units, mothers, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, sons, daughters, nephews and nieces living together (fathers are external and only provide a desirable genetic variation on a theme). So full family support from birth to death with no external disruption to a cohesive unit, no paternity problems, no divorce, no custody issues and many adults working together to common family driven goals.
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